I have been in the middle
of a conflict with a parent for 3 weeks now. Her child has special needs and
has no way of communicating to us. Her use of sign language is limited and sporadic.
I would like to attach a ring of flash cards to her belt loop that she can use
to show us what she wants, needs, or would like to share. The cards are basics
like food, colors, bathroom, books, and that sort of thing. Her mom on the
other hand does not want the cards put on her she would like us to “make her
talk or give her nothing.” I keep trying to explain to her mom that she cannot
form the words and she is frustrated because she cannot communicate. That is
the main reason for most of her temper tantrums. This conflict has caused me to
lose sleep and I would really like to find a solution.
This week I have tried to apply some of the strategies to this
conflict but have seemed to be to no avail. The three R’s, (respect, responsive, and reciprocal
interactions) have not fully been a good fit. I do respect the mom in most
choices but feel so strongly that her daughter has a way to communicate that it
is hard to respect her decision in this matter. While reading the text I came
to the conclusion that this maybe an unproductive conflict and I need to find a
way to make it productive so that mom and I can have a healthy debate about
this matter. I plan to assess my attitude toward the conflict and really look
into the climate. I want to make sure I am not coming to the table with a
defensive tone.
If anyone
has some good suggestion or insight I would love to hear them.
O'Hair, D.,
& Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York:
Bedford/St. Martin's.
4 comments:
You are in a tough position and I feel for you. I have been there before and can still feel those emotions, after reading your blog. I think that you are on the right track. Softening your heart towards the mom and reminding yourself that she wants the best for her child can help you have the energy to continue forward. These conflicts can take their toll on you, so hopefully you have a 3rd party involved. Have you had mom write down the goals that she has for the child? Starting there might help everyone focus on the facts of the situation. Maybe having each of you write down how you would like to help the child meet her goals is the second step. COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE
Hello Sharene,
First, I just want to say I absolutly love your name! Is it pronounced /Sha*reen/ or /Sha*ruh*nay/? Either pronounciation is melodious to me.
I agree with Heather here; softening the heart, and believing that the mom wants what is best for her child. Involving a third party for observation might help as well as maybe suggesting a trial period of your strategy for using picture cards for the child's communication. I think starting over with the parent using the NVC module would be excellent. The key is reestablishing trust and respect.
Much success to you!
Consider it an opportunity to learn more about communication delays in children. There are endless amounts of resources. Everyone must be open to the challenge and keep in mind the ultimate goal, the well being of that child.
Sheila,
Thank You. It is pronounced /Sha*reen. My mom made it up with a combination of my aunts names (Sharon and Marlene.
Thank you all for the feedback. This has been very helpful!
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